Dream State- Revisited

This is an old written piece that I came across. I think I need to repost it on this public forum to honestly take action on what I've written...

I can't pinpoint it exactly, but it's somewhere between sleep and waking time that one becomes delirious and irrational. Thoughts I had before slipping into unconsciousness manifest themselves 10 fold in my dreams. The only thing that saves me is the sound of my alarm. I laugh off the petty sneers I was lamenting about to my pillow. I disregard the playfulness, and sometimes cruelty, of my dreams and I get on with my day.

Now, I'm in my dream state hangover, feeling as low as my shoes. Why do we beat ourselves up over the tiniest hint of rejection? Sometimes, and I'm sorry to say- it's usually when I'm on the john, I take a look at my toes and I think how old they've grown. It's not often that I get to look at my toes like this. My marshmallow toes, as Becky used to say. I used to be very fond of my toes, but one comment about them being marshmallow-like and my handsome toes are petrified. If something as simple as a comment about my toes can stay with me...how am I ever going to get past insecurities in other areas of my life? Why am I dragging my past insecurities into simple responses to simple questions? Insecurities that were put there by someone who hasn't the slightest idea of what securities even are!


As I get older, I keep repeating this one phrase to myself- "get over yourself". I need to remember that. I'll start when looking at my toes.