A virtual friend’s blog recently posed the question: What are your plans for Spring? Are you too trying to make sincere choices rather than float along? Tell me.
She was talking about not “floating along” in life. This post couldn’t be timelier. Last night I was upset by the fact that my good friend wasn’t at all excited (couldn’t even humor me) about a 3 mile death race that me and some college friends are doing in August. You have to picture though, this thing is epic in terms of having to scale walls, wade in murky unknown waters, traverse a huge dumping of tires, and army crawl under barbed wire! This thing is insane and it frankly makes me laugh. Maybe it makes me laugh because I can picture my friends and I doing this and it just makes me ecstatic. Regardless, I found myself questioning why I got so upset about why someone else wouldn’t revel in this with me and it eventually led me to conclude that I’m a person who finds the little excitements/celebrations in life because I have to, because life can at some points be boring. Instead of just giving up and thinking everything is mundane and becoming very cynical and at some points miserable, I choose to enjoy things to make my time spent better. If not, I’d be one meal away from being a zombie. Maybe it’s even a little form of defiance against the man for bringing me down. I try not to get swallowed up in it. Of course, there are days when I just want to crawl in a hole and hide, but I bet my number of good days outweigh that big time and I’m satisfied knowing that it’s because it’s something I’m helping myself feel.
This got me thinking even further into why I’m not enjoying life at a more extreme level. If I get my kicks out of the simplest of days, could you imagine how I would feel being out doing something completely enjoyable with my life?! I’m always jealous of people who are out of work and have nothing holding them down. Yeah, you have to come by money, but I would be working in awesome places all over. I wouldn’t let anything hold me down/back. I can say this because I’ve never done it, so it seems so easy and the definition of fine living.
I have always said I would stick out my job until I paid off my students loans, but honestly, living elsewhere I could be getting paid, have a place to stay and have enough money each month to send to my student loans! For me, I don’t see my current job as a step to my next job because I bet my next one won’t require more than a GED. I see this job as a means to an end for the most part and I stay because I love the people here and it allows me to get my bills paid and my kicks- travel, music, solidarity. Things might have to change sooner than later if I get up enough courage. I can’t let my life pass me by.
